> THE FIRST AFFAIR
> There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful
> teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son
> wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure
months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to
to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the
he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way
that he could
be the father of that child.
> "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a
stern look and
asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled
> said, "Not this time."
>THE SECOND AFFAIR
> A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the
> bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
> the body of Mr Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an
> Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr.
said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a
huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." And
with that the
coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. The coroner
prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed
was his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and
briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"
THE THIRD AFFAIR
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
> the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "Stand in the corner." She quickly
> rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum
powder. "Don't move
until I tell you to," she whispered." Just pretend you're a statue."
> "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
> "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought
one for their
bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said
about the statue,
not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the
husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later
with a sandwich
> and a glass of milk.
> "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot
> at the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a
> of water."
> >>THE FOURTH AFFAIR
> A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy.
replied "Yes." So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks,
"Could I have
a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?"
replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
> "How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents", he replies.
> "FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"
> The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
> The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
> The bartender replies, "Same as I'm doing to his business."
> THE FIFTH AFFAIR
> Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining candlelight vigil by
> his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
> praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips
to move slightly. "My darling Becky," he whispered. "Hush, my love,"
said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk." He was insistent.
> "Becky," he said in his tired voice "I have somethin g I must confess
> to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky.
all right, go to sleep."
> "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister,
> best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know" Becky
> softly. "That's why I poisoned you"