WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"
explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her
son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother
smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to
sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big
This is a winner!!!!!
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came
into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy"
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
This one too!!!!!
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus
five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
"What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to
her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to
warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little
went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.