What do you call a MAN with no arms or legs?

- on your living room wall? ART

- on two wheels? AXEL

- in a hayloft? BARNEY

- in your mailbox? BILL

- trying to swim? BOB

- who tastes like water? BUD

- on mediocre drugs? BUZZ

- who has no head? CHESTER

- who is on the edge of the green? CHIP

- put through a meat grinder? CHUCK

- in a tiger cage? CLAUDE

- who is covered with oil? DEREK

- in a porn flick? DICK

- who makes you an offer you can't refuse? DON

- next to a hole in the ground? DOUG

- who fails to catch fire? DUDLEY

- when you push his head under water? DUNCAN

- with a bad cough? FLEMING

- on your barbecue? FRANK

- drowning in the lake? GIL

- during a full moon? HARRY

- in your spicerack? HERB

- flying over the fence? HOMER

- under a car? JACK

- on parallel bars? JIM

- in the men's room? JOHN

- who's pretends to have arms and legs. JOSH

- under a steamroller? LANE

- starving to death? LES

- who is English and gets dumped on? LOU

- on a lettuce farm? MANUEL

- on your front door step? MATT

- in a sound system? MIKE

- who has been run over by a steam roller? MILES

- with a cut on his face? NICK

- in a motorized wheelchair? OTTO

- in a flowerbed? PETE

- in your gas tank? PHIL

- who is covered with saurkraut? REUBEN

- with a history of wheelchair collisions? REX

- in a bank vault? RICH

- being stoned to death? ROCKY

- who has been struck by lightning? ROD

- shooting up drugs? RUSH

- in a pile of leaves? RUSSELL

- on a paper towel? SCOTT

- being tossed into the water? SKIP

- under a train? SPIKE

- balanced on his stumps? STAN

- being cooked by cannibals? STU

- who can play 15 different musical instruments? STUMP THE BAND

- who get's left behind in a restaurant? TIP

- in your drums? TOM

- who is painted with dragons, ships and sunsets? VAN

- on the President's desk? VITO

- in shallow water? BOB WADE

- given to you by a deceased uncle? WILL

- in an arid desert? WILT

What do you call a WOMAN with no arms or legs?

- caught by a trawler? ANNETTE

- who is very pale? ASHLEY

- who carries an air horn? BLAIR

- in a sugar vat? CANDY

- in a backpack? CARRIE

- with one tit bigger than the other? EILEEN/IRENE

- in a tank? ETHEL

- in a sewer? FLO

- eaten by a Gila Monster? LIZ

- in a shotgun wedding? MARY

- on your barbecue? PATTY

- stuck on a wall? PEG

- in a nudist colony? SEYMOUR

- ensnared in a lawsuit? SUE Q