A rich old lady places an ad in a paper saying that she would like a man who: won't run off with her money
won't beat her
is good in bed
She gets several offers but turns them all down because they all seem to want her money.
One day her doorbell rings and when she answers it she finds a man with no arms and no legs in a wheelchair.
"What can I do for you?" she asks
"I'm responding to the ad" he replys
"how do I know you won't run off with my money?"
"I have no legs!!!"
"How do I know you won't beat me?"
"I have no arms!!!"
"How do I know your good in bed?"
"Well I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
I went to the store the other day and I was in there for five minutes. When I got out a damn motorcycle cop was writing a ticket.
"Come on," I said, "give a guy a break!"
But he just carried on writing the ticket
I called him a stupid twat and when he had finished the first he started on a second ticket.
I called him a pencil necked nazi and he calmly started on a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes and there were now loads of issued tickets on the bike.
I didn't mind, my car was around the corner.
from cat n0t me (just a friend)