When i was 16 the penis radar was on overtime, if i was not knocking ten bales out with my good friend pam then i was seeing lots of different girlfriends.
Now this thread is a cautionary tale about getting hitched or linked with rotherham women.
I was about 16 and we met some girls from rotherham on one of those 0898 - mortgage your house line thingies. well there was 3 of us and we each got a bird.
this weekend we decided to go meet them in wakefield train station and i swaer the two my mates had picked up were like models, mine turned up fat as fuck, greased back hair and a voice woodbine would be proud of. i was fucking gutted - she sounded great on the phone.
next we asked their names, my mates dates were called sarah and melanie. mine turned out to be Tugela louise ******* (surname witheld just in case anyones fucking the fat smelly cow on here).
anyway like i said i was honestly gutted but i thought fuck it. we all went back to my aunties and everyone started kissing so i thought again fuck it, i ended up fucking her right on my aunties bed.
after id finished i felt like smacking her in the mouth but i resisted, instead i persuaded the 2 mates to get rid of the girls and ditch them somewhere in wakefield. bearing in mind my aunties is 12 miles away. so we went into wakefield and like planned we ditched them all, my mates were gutted because theirs were well fit.
anyway laughing and joking we set off back on the bus and we went for a bite to eat, then we decided to go back to my aunties and who should be sat in the fucking room with my auntie but tugela, the other 2 had gone home. this ugly thing had somehow remembered the way to my aunties house (even though i blindfolded her on the bus and span her round 3 times)
i walked in and my aunties face was a sight to see, i could tell that something had been said but i said "where did you get to we looked all over". anyway my auntie said i had to spend the day with her and make sure she got on the train ok. this was one of the worst 4 hours of my life at 16. i had this THING clinging on to me asking if i loved her, in her best woodbine voice. it makes me cringe just thinking about it now.
anyway, i finally got her on the train and gave her a nice peck on the cheek and said see you next week.
the next week i never rang her and did not turn up at the train station just in case this mental case actually still came through. again i got a call at my mums and she had made her way to my aunties again, asking for my mums house number.
this time i was pissed so i set off to my aunties and when i got there i took her straight to the train station and packed her off to the next rotherham train.
i said id fell in love with a man and i was now gay but she was having none of it.
she kept ringing me up and one night said she was pregnant - i nearly fucking died, all i could see was this little fat ugly baby popping out with cats died leggings, greasy hair and regal kings in its pocket.
after many calls to her and her mother i found out it was bollox, but the moral to this story is dont fuck a fat bird from rotherham called tugela.
the above is a true story i shit you not.