Birds that you shouldn't have shagged but did

[CallmeGoose]

With I Black Belts recent post of Birds that you should have shagged but didn't this came to me - Birds you SHOULDNT have shagged but did. For me it had to be a bird I met in a pub. Shagged her senseless for a couple of months, things started going well - then invited her to a mates girlfriends suprise 21st, where she proceeded to get out her face on rosy wine. Started whispering in my ear how she wanted me to fuck her in the toilet, classy i know but i wasnt going to say no. So i took her in, she sucked me off, then i turned her round and banged her while her head proceeded to continously bounce off the cistern. Had to carry her back to my mates house, where she passed out on the couch. The next day she said she couldnt even remember being in the toilet! Fuckin cheek of it. In the months that followed she turned into a right psycho, even after i called it off. Apparently my mate said she had told him at the party, there was a "5 year plan for us". She had our home picked out, kids names and wedding all prepared. Absolute loon she was... dodged a bullet there.

[I Black Belt]

From the age of about 14 i had a full on crush for the mum of a mate of my brothers. As the years passed I bumped into her from time to time and always got the glad eye, but she was married blah blah blah.
anyway about 10 years ago i met her again and a shag was definitely on the table.
Now bear in mind that i'd spent the best part of 20 years spannering one off to the prospect of this...

fuck me, what a let down... Once i'd stripped it off i can honestly say it had the hairiest minge i have ever seen, the fucking hairs came her inner thighs and wrapped round the back too all over her arse. Horrible saggy tits too. I managed to shag it, fuck knows how and next thing i know she wants the big romance and all the rest of that nonsense. turned into a bit of a bunny boiler in the end but luckily I managed to keep it under wraps, largely to protect me from my mates ever finding out I'd banged her

[-G-Man-]

Do fat munters count? Coz there's been a few(lot) in my past!

[CallmeGoose]

yeah of course they do! fat chicks need love too. is there any good stories behind any of your larger than life fucks? post em here! :-)

[-G-Man-]

LOL well One of the best shags ive ever had was with a larger lady in Malia. She was pure filth!
It was like being in a porno, pulling her hair, calling each other all the names under the sun, doing her up the wrong'un and bolting in her fat gob!

If she hadn't of been the wrong side of a size 16 then it probably would be the best shag I've had.

[I Black Belt]

I've never discriminated: Fucking hell, I could write an encyclopedia on ugly/fat/horrible/combination of all three that i've shagged over the years

[CallmeGoose]

haha well lets just say for the sakes of keeping things short, lets dedicate this thread to "wife's sister, my twins twin, my step sister, friend of the family" stories! ;-p

[maltloaf]

I should never have shagged my mate's ex fiancee. He didn't give a shit and found it quite funny but everyone else convinced themselves he was pissed off about it.

[Goldberg]

Did a big lass once when I was hammered in Butlins Skegness... I say I did but the reality is I think I was just in a roll of flab!
Never went back for more, in fact I left the camp early afterwards!

Also did a lass that lived around the corner once, that was awkward when I was in the pub with our lass a week later and she was there...

Jesus, there are a lot of memories coming back to me now about loads! All munters, all dodgy situations...

[Mickey]

I once got off with a fat tart from college. I slept in when we were going over on a day out at college and was stuck at the college showing a class of students how to use a "BBC model B". ohh bless the days lmao. Anyhow she must have liked the way i moved the 5.25 disk or summat and came on strong. SHE was as fat a can be and a face like miss piggy. Well being close to 18 and not had it in a few weeks I had to go and tried to tamper with it.

Turned out that no matter how I tried I could not get my manhood inside her flabs of fat to her promised land. I even tried on the bus and and in a dark alley way. She ended up wanking me off. 2 times that night. I never saw her again. I dunno why

[I Black Belt]

I was in a nightclub years ago with an ex, giving it the "John Travolta" when I kept feeling my arse being pinched. Looking round it was the ex wife of a guy I knew years before. Pretty enough, but HUGE, although strangely, very small tits
Anyway, had 5 minutes chat with her and found she was working part time in a pub most nights, so I fired in there a couple of weeks later and offered her a lift home.
Before I got to her house, she'd sucked me off in the car and swallowed my mess - dirty bitch. I then spent the next few hours shagging it silly - amazing shag for a chubby and baby soft skin. I clearly recall her flaps tasting really nice, which was an exception to the rule for me where fat birds are concerned.

Felt a twinge of regret at the time because i was in a relationship, but in truth it was on the way out anyway, so fuck it.

Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom

[Tammer]

I've got a few, mostly in the past year or so.

1. Pregnant girl, while her husband was working abroad. Nailed her up to the 6th month when we finally got caught by her fella. She was on her knees sucking me off as I was playing Wii tennis on her 3D TV.

2. Girl at a wedding a few weeks ago. I was the best man, she was the wife of the Bride's brother. Got caught noshing me off round the back of the greenhouse. It wouldn't have been so bad, but I was wearing a kilt so my fat arse was showing to the party guests through the window at the time.

3. I met up with the wife of a guy I used to work with a few months ago, just for a catch up in London. He was abroad on business, and she was in the city for a weekend with friends. Met up with her, she was looking fine, and had dropped a bit of timber since the last time. Got chatting, ended up meeting her later that night in a club (just 'coincidence' that my mates and hers ended up at the same place ;-)), took her home and nailed her every which way on my sofa. Lay in bed for most of the next morning, got up to find her making a fry up, so nailed her again and jizzed on the bacon. Made her eat it.

And assorted mingers, fat birds, etc... over my years

[Goldberg]

Tammer, legendary!

I did my good friend (female) from school the day Boro lost 2-0 in the FA Cup to Chelski. Later that night I went out, bumped into an Ex who was 6 months pregnant to a bloke she was shagging behind my back. Fucked her at her place then went back out and bumped into her mate and went home with her!

Boro might have lost that game and went down that season, but it was on of the best days of my life. No regrets but I had to share

[Lighty]

The fucking wife.....

[CallmeGoose]

amazing shag for a chubby and baby soft skin

something slightly eerie about that sentence lol

[BertRoot]

A lesbian bird I banged a few years back. Used to look alright for a Gothic bint but kept giving me the 'I give great blow jobs' line. funny cos she was a full on lesbian. Anyway went back to her ratty student gaff and she told me to get my kecks off and by the cringe she did give good head but would never take it in her mouth and would finish me off by hand. Asked to fuck her and she said no as she was a lesbian. Yeah right... Did her a few times as when she got overly excited she would climb on for a ride on the understanding nobody ever found out. The last time I went round there I decided to let it go in her mouth and a couple of minutes later she kissed me and spat it in my mouth. Never went back...

[CallmeGoose]

a couple of minutes later she kissed me and spat it in my mouth

Never went back...

Spat out my tea there! Love it how you felt the need to ass that last part, I'd be fucking worried if you did you go back! classic

[I Black Belt]

Methinks you're getting off on these confessions Goose me old fella
I also reckon you've got a bit of a thing for the chunkier versions of the female species too

[maltloaf]

You've come a long way since that day you went to the strip joint in Blackpool then mate ? Never seen anyone look more awkward !

I've got a few, mostly in the past year or so.

1. Pregnant girl, while her husband was working abroad. Nailed her up to the 6th month when we finally got caught by her fella. She was on her knees sucking me off as I was playing Wii tennis on her 3D TV.

2. Girl at a wedding a few weeks ago. I was the best man, she was the wife of the Bride's brother. Got caught noshing me off round the back of the greenhouse. It wouldn't have been so bad, but I was wearing a kilt so my fat arse was showing to the party guests through the window at the time.

3. I met up with the wife of a guy I used to work with a few months ago, just for a catch up in London. He was abroad on business, and she was in the city for a weekend with friends. Met up with her, she was looking fine, and had dropped a bit of timber since the last time. Got chatting, ended up meeting her later that night in a club (just 'coincidence' that my mates and hers ended up at the same place ;-)), took her home and nailed her every which way on my sofa. Lay in bed for most of the next morning, got up to find her making a fry up, so nailed her again and jizzed on the bacon. Made her eat it.

And assorted mingers, fat birds, etc... over my years

[Goldberg]

He forgot to mention he had to pay them all though