Disgusting last weekend.
I'm on my 4th day of my hangover, I feel like fucking shit.
Heres my story....
My mate plays solo around Manchester acoustic guitar, and does the pubs and clubs, it was his comeback gig, after taking some time out. So we all agreed to get to the pub from 8. 8? That's fucking late for a Friday, I finish work at 4, and as much time as it takes me to wash my ball sack I'm out.
So I finish at 4, home for 4.05 (Cool huh?) into the shower, changed and out for half 4. To the local for 4.35, impressive, I know. Met a couple of lads in there, and we started.
Rounds, no I mean, live rounds. We play this stupid game where we get a round of beers in, and then every round we buy 3 shots (mixed) of what ever the round buyer wants, and then we spin a bullet, yup a live bullet. We've been doing this for about 10 years, it's fun, but it's fucking awful.
I got it three times in a row, so by 6 I was fucking roasted.
We left the pub and went to another pub where my mate was playing, all swell, all the lads in there, so the bullet goes away. We smash the drinks out, mate plays a blinding set. After he's done we all say lets go to town, for last orders late bar. So we head to a place called Jabez Clegg in town, it's a shit hole but it's alright.
Don't remember too much of the night other than being wankered and laughing to myself a lot. The best part of the night? When I woke up, I had a couple of pictures on my phone from upskirting some tart who was dancing near us all night.
I will post these in spoiler tags later.
Poss NSFW
Spoiler:
So we get home circa 3am, the lads come back to mine, we start sipping vodka and monster to keep us awake, I don't remember fuck all of being at home other than giving the Mrs a Wet Willy, and not the kind you're thinking, the childish wet licked finger in the ear kind, whilst she was in bed.
So we were turfed back out at 9 when the Mrs got up and we were just kinda monged on the sofa watching UFC knockouts on repeat, CLASS.
Next stop, breakfast! Weatherspoons near my house was the choice we get in for half 9 after walking with dry mouths, in the same cloths and stinking and pissed into Spoons. We had to talk the manager round to serving us saying we'd be alright with some food and a "livener."
Large Spoons breakfast, no mushrooms extra blackbudding was the bill, pint of stella and pint of orange and lemonade. I can't continue to much from here as I don't really know, other than from looking at the images on my phone. It involved a few failed upskirt attempts of some hens on a hen do, and some stalking pictures which I'll also upload
Spoiler:
Night finished with me leaving the lads, and getting into a taxi with the Mrs to go to a friends 30th party at his house. I had to get in and changed, but didn't have time for a shower, so Mrs told me baby wipes would suffice for a clean around my pits sack and crack. Being the pissed cunt I was, I go into the bathroom strip off, one leg on the bath leaning against the wall, I whip out the wipes and wipe my crack first.
OWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Fucking hell it hurt, what the fuck? I'd fucking gone and used lemon bathroom bleach wipes from fucking Jif or some shit. My ring was on fire (Johnny Cash style) So at this point I have to tell the Mrs I need a shower, so I sit over the bath and get the shower head up my crack whilst having a piss in the bin. Fucking hell lads, I was a mess.
I didn't have time to dry so chucked on some talc and new boxers and jeans and went back out.
I was at this house party I don't remember, the Mrs kept shouting at me as I was eating all the buffet and had repeatedly flicked Chili with a spoon at her across a crowded kitchen.
She informed me at around 11, we were asked to leave. Arsed? No, it's not my friends anyway, it's hers.
I remember fuck all about getting home, but woke up Monday at 11, missed 4 hours of work, called in sick as I was a fucking state, still pissed. I spent the next 2 days feeling sorry for myself, and the last two days feeling rough as fuck, but workable.
What's a big mystery to me at the moment, when I woke up there were 3 rubbers on the floor of the bedroom. Now I don't use a rubber with the Mrs, and she says we didn't have sex. But these rubbers were used (no spunk in em) but unrolled with bits of wrapper in my bed.
She didn't seem arsed, so, it was either the lads fucking me about shoving one down my bleach burnt crack and ring, or I tried to fuck the Mrs when we were both pissed and neither of us remember.
Knowing me, when I'm pissed a stay hard for about 5 minutes if that, so I prob tried over and over again.
I'm glad I could share this with someone, because quite frankly, I'm disgusted with myself and vowed to stay in this weekend, only to be told I'm at the her friends house for her brothers birthday...
The Shame.
BB.
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Re: Disgusting last weekend.
Originally Posted by BigBrand
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