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  1. #1
    DF Wh0re alankirk01's Avatar
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    Whine poor toilet etiquette

    Don’t fuck with the system !!!!

    So - I have to vent ! Is it me or do others stumble across poor toilet etiquette in the work place.

    For example - in our main building we have five traps - all in a line. Should you be the first to utilise said space - you either select trap(s) 1, 3 or 5 - leaving a space between each shitter - so it's not too uncomfortable for your fellow colleagues ! That said , should these be occupied - and you REALLY have to go (and can't wait) then you make use of traps 2 & 4. IT'S LIKE AN UNWRITTEN CODE !!!

    So why (from time to time) do you find that if your the first to utilise the shitter (let's say for arguments sake it's trap 5) some plumb comes in and plonks themselves on trap 4!!!! You've got 1 or 3 - hell - make use of 2 and fuck it up for everyone else - but trap 4 is off limits !!!!!!!!

  2. #2
    Mummy's little soldier I Black Belt's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Agree whole heartedly. Also good etiquette is waiting for someone to use the hand dryer before you throttle a mars bar in case it has an associated ripsnorting fart attached to it.
    Laughing at someone elses farts is allowed, as long as they don't know who you are.
    Flushing as you strangle the first carrot minimises the stink.
    Mocking those who use a shitter just to have a piss is definitely allowed.
    Never read a newspaper. The crackling of the pages allows others to know you're in there skiving (unless you use the hand dryer method as outlined above to disguise the page turning)
    Cracking one out is allowed, but put lots of bog roll down to cover your trousers so you don't end up with a spunky crust in the gusset
    If your mate goes for a shit when you're in the toilet, then a handful of wetted bog roll lobbed over the door at him is a pre requisite.

    4 Thanks given to I Black Belt

    akimba (10th March 2014), BigBrand (8th March 2014), GTI (8th March 2014), macmilm (8th March 2014) 


  3. #3
    DF Jedi tronads's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by I Black Belt View Post
    Mocking those who use a shitter just to have a piss is definitely allowed.
    I don't know why that would be a mockable offence....Its something I do 100%....because you never know when you might end up stood next to someone cross eyed at the pissers.

  4. #4
    DF Wh0re tempralflux's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    lol you fat coont take shit before you go to work nuff said

  5. #5
    Banned BigBrand's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Only people with small dicks and stage fright use a cubicle to piss.

    Sent from my GT-I9195 using Tapatalk

    3 Thanks given to BigBrand

    consoles (9th March 2014), Geko (8th March 2014), I Black Belt (8th March 2014) 


  6. #6
    DF Jedi littlebilly1's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by BigBrand View Post
    Only people with small dicks and stage fright use a cubicle to piss.

    Sent from my GT-I9195 using Tapatalk
    Not at all! I hate using urinals. There's nowt worse than getting wet legs from splash back, I prefer pissing in the puddle so you know you're safe


    Sent From TapaTalk


  7. #7
    DF PwNagE GTI's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by BigBrand View Post
    Only people with small dicks and stage fright use a cubicle to piss.
    i use a cubicle because I like to dab my helmet after hosing the porcelain.

    Thanks to GTI

    RSV (9th March 2014) 


  8. #8
    Banned BigBrand's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by littlebilly1 View Post
    Not at all! I hate using urinals. There's nowt worse than getting wet legs from splash back, I prefer pissing in the puddle so you know you're safe


    Sent From TapaTalk
    Fuck me son how hard are you pissing.

    Sent from my GT-I9195 using Tapatalk

  9. #9
    Banned BigBrand's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by GTI View Post
    i use a cubicle because I like to dab my helmet after hosing the porcelain.
    You must be a midget then...

    Sent from my GT-I9195 using Tapatalk

  10. #10
    DF Probation macmilm's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    I never use a cubicle but I find when at home I often sit down for a lazy piss, especially the first one of the day when your still half a sleep
    I got some kind of phobia about shitting in a toilet not at home!! Dunno what it is, I can shit in a public toilet and often do but if I think I can hold on till I get home then the little brown fish are staying put

    Also nothing worse than when you do walk into a cubicle somewhere to see the previous clientele has had a shit explosion and there is no way the flush was ever gonna get to those areas, but they just fuck off and leave it anyway

  11. #11
    DF Jedi mysterym's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Some of the travesties left in our work traps is unforgivable. Turds left in toilets that have the girth of a of a mans wrists - unbelievable, the closest male kind has come to child birth?

  12. #12
    DF Probation macmilm's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    This for example would not be considered acceptable by my standards

    Spoiler:

  13. #13
    DF Jedi Mr.James's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by BigBrand View Post
    Only people with small dicks and stage fright use a cubicle to piss.

    Sent from my GT-I9195 using Tapatalk
    Not true. My Prince Albert means standing vertical has a good chance of splashing all over my shoes. Leaning forwards to about 70 degrees stops it happening. People give you weird looks doing that at a urinal.

    Plus the amount of guys that mentioned it freaked me out. There are far more guys checking out your package than you realise.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  14. #14
    Banned BigBrand's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.James View Post
    Not true. My Prince Albert means standing vertical has a good chance of splashing all over my shoes. Leaning forwards to about 70 degrees stops it happening. People give you weird looks doing that at a urinal.

    Plus the amount of guys that mentioned it freaked me out. There are far more guys checking out your package than you realise.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    That's what I don't get.

    I need a piss, I'll piss, regardless of who's looking.

    If I need a shit, I'll go for a shit, anywhere, in any house at any time.

  15. #15
    Banned BigBrand's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

  16. #16
    DF PwNagE GTI's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.James View Post
    Not true. My Prince Albert means standing vertical has a good chance of splashing all over my shoes.
    Why???

    NSFW
    Spoiler:

  17. #17
    DF Jedi Chubbs's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    At work it's the lazy piss in the disabled loo FTW.

    There isn't anyone disabled and it's a lovely private shitter.

    There nothing wrong with wiping or dabbing your knob with a little toilet paper either.


  18. #18
    DF Jedi TAR's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.James View Post

    Plus the amount of guys that mentioned it freaked me out. There are far more guys checking out your package than you realise.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    What do they say to u?

    Something like " fuck me, I wish I had a cock that big!......... instead of this massive fucker!"

    TAR seems to be a decent bloke!

  19. #19
    DF Jedi littlebilly1's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by BigBrand View Post
    Fuck me son how hard are you pissing.

    Sent from my GT-I9195 using Tapatalk
    You ever seen diet coke and mentos


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  20. #20
    DF Jedi BigBird's Avatar
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    Default Re: poor toilet etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by macmilm View Post
    I got some kind of phobia about shitting in a toilet not at home!! Dunno what it is, I can shit in a public toilet and often do but if I think I can hold on till I get home then the little brown fish are staying put

    Also nothing worse than when you do walk into a cubicle somewhere to see the previous clientele has had a shit explosion and there is no way the flush was ever gonna get to those areas, but they just fuck off and leave it anyway
    I can't relax in a toilet not at home either. Will go if I have no choice but usually don't feel the need to because my body goes into some sort of automatic slow digestive mode when I know I'm going to be traveling and not at home or in my own hotel room for the day. I usually go two to four times a day when at home but on a few occasions I have gone two whole days without even feeling the need to go when I have been traveling with friends. I'm eating the same, if not more, so my only explanation is that my brain must be controlling my body to slow down the digestive process so it does't travel as far as the bomb release chamber which is what triggers the feeling of needing to go. I've always believed the brain can have extraordinary control of the body and even heal the body of serious illness.

    At the Bulldog Bash a few years ago the portaloos were filthy so I went down to the toilet block which was a row of about 8 cubicles. After waiting in the queue for about 30 minutes I had a cubicle but couldn't relax to go because there were about 50 people in a queue right outside the door. The only way they could have been closer is if they were in the cubicle with me. I got up at half five the following morning and strolled down in my shorts while up to my knees in mud and had a relaxing crap followed by a nice hot shower and a large breakfast baguette with a mug of tea before anyone else had recovered from the night before. Felt great and set me up for the day. (">

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