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  1. #1
    DF Jedi CallmeGoose's Avatar
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    Default Just had the swimmers tested...

    So I just got off the phone with my GP. On Friday I had the minature CallmeGoose's examined, and the results were in yesterday.

    Got an appointment with my GP this friday to discuss the results, but here is what she said to me...

    "Some of the values are normal, some are out of range - but she doesnt have the expertise to discuss these with me" - and she wants to refer me to a Specialist, on the NHS it is a 2 month waiting list to see someone so I will go ahead and get referred. Im going offshore in 2 weeks for a month, so by the time I get back I will be able to see a doctor on the NHS anyway.

    She also said I could go prie and have a sooner appointment at the cost of £250 to speak to someone who can interpret the results.

    She is going to give me a printout of the results on Friday and take it from there. She did say it was nothing to be concerned about, worried etc, and in all due comparisons, my problems seem minascule to others but not knowing what ia going wrong is messing with my head.

    Why havent they invented star trek style medical scanners yet. boggles the mind.

  2. #2
    DF Jedi chesser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Hope all is good for you eventually pal, I guess if you can afford the £250 and can't wait go for it mate. I know I'm a right impatient bastard and would want the results now!

  3. #3
    DF Probation macmilm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Sounds like bullshit to me.
    If she is supposed to 'give' people results then that is what she should do and if she gets a result the is genuinely over her head and does not understand then she needs to speak to someone who does before you go in for appointment, then next time she encounters same scenario she is already educated..... it's this kind of bollox that wastes time and money in the NHS.

  4. #4
    DF Jedi CallmeGoose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    yeah i can afford the 250 but it would be a waste of money, the soonest appointment a private clinic can give me is the 9th april - at which point ill be offshore, and as im not due back from that trip until the end of April, I may aswell wait the additional to weeks to go on the NHS..

    Plus i have been told that once you go private, you cannot have fertility treatment at all on the NHS.

    One other thing she said is that if it was simple she would google the results! unreal. she has did this before with me when ive been in for other things, she brought up google on her computer and type away. thinking she got her med cert from the back of a cereal box.

    Roll on Friday.

  5. #5
    DF Jedi cyprus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    WTF? In Cyprus, you go to a Chemical Lab, hand over your fresh wad and 25 EURO and the next day you have your results. The chemist can usually tell you if your levels are normal but if you want a doctors opinion it's 40 EUR for a visit. This is all same day service by the way, just walk in and wait your turn.

    2 month wait is fucking shambolic. 250 GBP for private??? Get fucked.

    You can fly to Cyprus, get tested, get your results and spend a couple days in the sun for that!

    Thanks to cyprus

    CallmeGoose (19th March 2014) 


  6. #6
    DF Jedi cyprus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Here you go:

    Sunday 11th May to Tuesday 13th May = 138GBP EasyJet Gatwick to Paphos
    Two nights at [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] = 42 GBP
    Chemist and doctors = 55GBP

    Total : 235GBP

    8 Thanks given to cyprus

    bulletproof (21st March 2014), CallmeGoose (19th March 2014), Ganty (19th March 2014), macmilm (19th March 2014), moonrat (19th March 2014), Northernbloke (19th March 2014), Spennyboy (21st March 2014), Zoots (19th March 2014) 


  7. #7
    DF Jedi CallmeGoose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    goes to show you what a fucking piss take big business is!

  8. #8
    DF VIP Member Bald Bouncer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Not sure in this case but I know sometimes paying for a selective part private can leapfrog you on NHS lists, bit of a scam but some waits can be long to see a specialist but not if you go private so paying say £250 to negate a 2-3 month wait can be worthwhile as it does not tie you into the private system.

    Thanks to Bald Bouncer

    CallmeGoose (19th March 2014) 


  9. #9
    DF Probation Goldberg's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Quote Originally Posted by CallmeGoose View Post
    One other thing she said is that if it was simple she would google the results!
    They fucking love google! My back was fucked a few years ago from a car accident. It was an injury that occasionally came back to haunt me and when it hit me it made me physically sick.
    So one afternoon I got out of work to goto the quacks hoping to get some pain killers. They examined me, wrote some notes and then said:

    "Do you have the internet at home? If so write this down.. Goto [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] and search for back exercises"

    That is an actual true story!!! I went back to the receptionist desk, asked for another appointment which they managed to give me straight away and I saw another Doctor who prescribed me some pills.

    I also hate it when they ask: "Do you pay for your prescriptions?"... Does this mean if I don't I will get the cheap shit? Or is it the other way around. Keep taking the money from those who pay and give those who don't the good stuff so they stop coming back.


    Anyhow, it is all a barrel of laughs on here at the moment with test results and waiting!

    You with your swimmers, TJ and his 'C' test and macmilm and the paternity test... Happy days!

    Oh and then you get shit like this! Trying to blame fat people for costing them money..

    [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
    We all make mistakes sometimes

    Thanks to Goldberg

    CallmeGoose (19th March 2014) 


  10. #10
    DF Jedi CallmeGoose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Got my results back today. Basically everything is fine except poor motility, they are too lazy to swim to the egg!

    So I'm now on a program of eating carrots and taking other male fertility supplements to get the buggers moving

    She is talking to a specialist today and depending on what he says we might be referred or not to the NHS for fertility services

    Here's a copy of the results for anyone interested in seeing just exactly what is tested :

    (I was a bit freaked out by 57% head defects but apparently this is normal)




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  11. #11
    DF Probation Goldberg's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Don't worry, help is at hand. Tried and Tested by Mrs macmilm: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
    We all make mistakes sometimes

    Thanks to Goldberg

    CallmeGoose (21st March 2014) 


  12. #12
    DF Probation macmilm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Quote Originally Posted by Goldberg View Post
    Don't worry, help is at hand. Tried and Tested by Mrs macmilm: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
    @Goldcunt : I repeat.... cunt !


    @CMG : stop wanking when your offshore.. that'll help !

    Thanks to macmilm

    CallmeGoose (21st March 2014) 


  13. #13
    DF Probation Goldberg's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Quote Originally Posted by macmilm View Post
    @Goldcunt : I repeat.... cunt !


    @CMG : stop wanking when your offshore.. that'll help !
    The truth hurts..

    As for Wanking, not true. At worst you will go blind, my mam told me that, but it keeps them fresh. I managed to produce a son (DNA test in hand), and I am the biggest wanke... oh...


    *EDIT*

    Should add however that this is good news CMG. Stop worrying now which in turn will also help. You just need to put your wellies on and get knee deep in clunge every time your home.
    Failing that, I don't mind chipping in for one of these: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
    Last edited by Goldberg; 21st March 2014 at 11:51 AM.
    We all make mistakes sometimes

    2 Thanks given to Goldberg

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  14. #14
    DF Jedi CallmeGoose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Just showed that post to the wife ..... Made her laugh :-)


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    Thanks to CallmeGoose

    Goldberg (21st March 2014) 


  15. #15
    DF Probation Goldberg's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Quote Originally Posted by CallmeGoose View Post
    Just showed that post to the wife ..... Made her laugh :-)


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    The baster or the big fella?
    We all make mistakes sometimes

    Thanks to Goldberg

    CallmeGoose (21st March 2014) 


  16. #16
    DF Jedi CallmeGoose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    The baster lol


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  17. #17
    Mummy's little soldier I Black Belt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    best fuck her while she's doing a handstand matey and let gravity do its thang

    Thanks to I Black Belt

    CallmeGoose (21st March 2014) 


  18. #18
    DF Jedi CallmeGoose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    She's a gymnast so hand stands aren't a problem ;-)


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  19. #19
    DF VIP Member
    Mystical_2K's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Quote Originally Posted by CallmeGoose View Post
    She's a gymnast so hand stands aren't a problem ;-)


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    your gonna have fun trying then
    chin up bud, friend had a similar problem and the doctor did mention not wanking to encourage a larger splurge when the time comes, in fairness it didnt help him but at least he stopped having one wrist bigger than the other
    You know he grew up as a little shitspark from the old shitflint and then he turned into a shitbonfire and driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance he turned into a raging shitfirestorm. If I get to be married to Barb I'll have total control of Sunnyvale and then I can unleash the shitnami tidal wave that will engulf Ricky and extinguish his shitflames forever. And with any luck he'll drown in the undershit of that wave. Shitwaves.

    2 Thanks given to Mystical_2K

    CallmeGoose (21st March 2014), rusty (24th March 2014) 


  20. #20
    DF Probation Goldberg's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just had the swimmers tested...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_2K View Post
    it didnt help him but at least he stopped having one wrist bigger than the other

    ??

    Alternate, that's what I do. Seen as though you guys always want photo's of our lasses, here are mine:
    We all make mistakes sometimes

    Thanks to Goldberg

    Mystical_2K (21st March 2014) 


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