Two to start with.....
Max is walking through the woods at night with a young girl
Girl: "These woods sure are scary!"
Max: "I don't know what you're complaining about, I have to walk home alone..."
They put Max Clifford in a cell with the biggest black man he'd ever seen.
They eyed each other silently for a minute and then his cellmate said, "In each cell here one person's the mummy and the other one's the daddy. You can choose which one you want to be."
Max said, "I'll be the daddy."
"OK," said his new friend. "Now get over here and suck your mummy's dick."