Faulty landline and the end of my world.

**BigBird** · 2nd June 2014

My land line is crackling really bad, but much worse than that my internet speed is down to less than 1 meg and the connection keeps dropping every few minutes. Eliminated my own wiring by plugging the phone into the master test socket. EE say it will take two days before they can fix it.

So can anyone recommend the most effective and painless method of killing myself? (">

**consoles** · 2nd June 2014

Just make sure its video'd with an auto upload to youtube and a link to you page

R.I.P BigBird

**Cosmicpore** · 2nd June 2014

Ffffffaaack. This might be the one excusable reason to take a laptop down to the nearest coffee shop to use the wi-fi.

But make sure its a macbook and wear thick rimmed glasses, otherwise you'll just look like a weirdo.

**jaygo** · 2nd June 2014

Originally Posted by Cosmicpore

Ffffffaaack. This might be the one excusable reason to take a laptop down to the nearest coffee shop to use the wi-fi.

But make sure its a macbook and wear thick rimmed glasses, otherwise you'll just look like a weirdo.

You've never seen big bird before then

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**Cosmicpore** · 2nd June 2014

oops.

**I Black Belt** · 2nd June 2014

When you go to bed tonight, set a load of porn to stream.
When you wake tomorrow and it's all buffered, wank yourself into a coma.
When you wake, your connection should be up and running again

**akimba** · 2nd June 2014

yeah sounds like you on the BT DLM or dynamic line management, as you kept dropping signal a lot they throttle you right back to fuck all and you have to wait for the service to work out you back on a solid line.

Doesn't explain the crackling tho was that down to your own plumbing as you said you tested the master socket but didn't say the results?

**BigBird** · 2nd June 2014

Originally Posted by akimba

yeah sounds like you on the BT DLM or dynamic line management, as you kept dropping signal a lot they throttle you right back to fuck all and you have to wait for the service to work out you back on a solid line.

Doesn't explain the crackling tho was that down to your own plumbing as you said you tested the master socket but didn't say the results?

Was still crackling on the test socket so knew it was their end which is why I rang for a repair. (">

**MHP** · 2nd June 2014

You have an earth or a battery fault normally caused by a contact with another working pair. The fault is either mechanical (copper touching copper) or inductive (corrosion or moisture). Check your lead in (the cable running from your premises to the box outside), if you have one. Check the box if you have access to it, exposed copper or green and gunky corrosion is not good. If not then the problem is either in the underground network, overhead network, cab or exchange. If you disconnect your sockets and stick your tongue on the exposed wires and get someone to ring you. The 100 volts DC ringing current should eventually kill you, could take a few days though...

**AP0ll0UK** · 2nd June 2014

If EE say it's going to take 2 days to fix it then find something else to do for the next 2 weeks.

They are a slack-setup bunch of wankers. I've come up against them whilst helping a friend out with various WiFi and Internet related issues which involved multiple phone calls. Unfortunately they are one of those providers who you have to dedicate your foot to being right up their arse for as long as it takes to get the issue resolved. Keep on top of them.

**BigBird** · 3rd June 2014

Originally Posted by AP0ll0UK

If EE say it's going to take 2 days to fix it then find something else to do for the next 2 weeks.

They are a slack-setup bunch of wankers. I've come up against them whilst helping a friend out with various WiFi and Internet related issues which involved multiple phone calls. Unfortunately they are one of those providers who you have to dedicate your foot to being right up their arse for as long as it takes to get the issue resolved. Keep on top of them.

In this particular case with it being a BT line the EE representative contacted BT for a repair date while I was on the phone and they came back with the 4th which is in two days time. So it's BT that will be doing the repairs. Don't know if that is a good thing or not.

My friend Paul is a BT engineer but hes on holiday in Thailand and won't pop back to sort it out for me even though it will take him less than an hour to fix. Some friend he is. Well if I do end up taking my own life over this I hope it leaves him feeling guilty as hell. Just to make sure he gets the point I may even pop down to his house tomorrow and paint THANKS PAUL in a sarcastic font and big letters on the front of his house. (">

**leigh46137** · 3rd June 2014

Originally Posted by BigBird

My friend Paul is a BT engineer but hes on holiday in Thailand and won't pop back to sort it out for me even though it will take him less than an hour to fix. Some friend he is. Well if I do end up taking my own life over this I hope it leaves him feeling guilty as hell. Just to make sure he gets the point I may even pop down to his house tomorrow and paint THANKS PAUL in a sarcastic font and big letters on the front of his house. (">

Just do what they do in the BTs advert, Constantly keep going to his house and use his super fast broadband. until he gets you fixed!