I like chilli a lot and after years of pissing about making it this is my current fave. Before you start on about using fresh chillis I have tried them all and after I started buying dried ones at the Indian Supermarket in Preston I have stopped buying fresh as their stuff is superb.

One bag of Quorn mince, left out for half an hour
Two spanish onions
Half a pound of mushrooms
Two bell peppers
Two tins of chopped tomatoes
One and a half tins of kidney beans
Tomato puree
Four cloves of garlic
6 - 8 dried whole birds eye chillis
Dried chilli flakes
Hot Chilli powder

Chop the garlic finely and also the birds eye chillis. Add them to a wok with a good milling of pepper and a reasonable amount of olive oil and leave the spices to infuse the oil while you do the rest.

Drain the tin of kidney beans and rinse that horrible shit off them out of the tin. Open the tomatoes and leave em in the tin. Add about a third of a teaspoon (flat) of chilli powder to each tin and give them a stir without spilling them out of the tin. Leave to soak while you chop the other stuff.

Chop the onions nice and fine and the peppers similarly. Slice the mushrooms nice and thin as well.

Fry the onions in the oil from before until softish and then add the peppers for a minute followed by the quorn. Sizzle in the pan for a few mins till the quorn soaks up a reasonable amount of the oil. Chuck in the mushrooms and then the tomatoes a minute or so later. Keep stirring throughout to stop stuff at the bottom burning. Add the kidney beans and boil fiercely for a minute. Add a tablespoon of tomato puree and keep stirring until the puree disappears.

Shift it to a low heat and add as many dried chilli flakes as you can take. I usually opt for about three teaspoons. Stir them in and then simmer the lot for about thirty minutes and hey presto chilli.

Serve with rice, a jacket or chips if you are a fat cunt.